Calendar Girl
by Klutzy Angel
Summary: Quistis is having a breakdown. She's acting like a horny teenager and keeping secrets from her friends. How did he get here, and how is she going to get back to the nerdy instructor she used to be? Spin-off of 'Dincht'.
1. Perv

**Calendar Girl**

**Chapter 1 – Perv**

"Sex is definitely one of your strong suits." I scoff at the comment, but really what else would I expect from Seifer Almasy? Eloquence? There's more of that in a gassy-hippopotamus than in that man.

"Why are you always so inappropriate?" I ask as I scour his floor looking for my underwear; I know I was wearing it when I came in… I think.

"Why don't you just come back to bed Instructor? I think I'm ready for round two," his hand slides off the bed and he gives me a quick smack on my bare ass that I enjoy far more than I should. Hyne, what have I been reduced to? Apparently, sleeping with the Garden's resident bad boy when I should be grading papers.

Is it wrong that I liked the sound of that?

"Seifer can you please stop being so gross? I have to go, I'm supposed to meet everyone."

"Oh, and what does the 'gang' have planned for tonight," he asks sarcastically rolling over in bed and covering himself with the sheet.

"I think we're doing something ridiculous like karaoke. Do you want to come?" Why did I ask that?

"Spend time with the 'Wonder Family'? No thanks. Although… I have always wanted to get it on in a public place. Maybe I could show up and you could sneak away and we could do it in the bathroom. Door: unlocked." A lecherous smile spreads across his thin lips, which, just mere moments ago, were attached to my body, and for a split moment I'm actually considering his suggestion.

I have to stop thinking with my libido.

"Seifer, this has got to stop. I'm lying to my friends, I'm lying to-"

"'Myself, I'm lying to you…' blah, blah, blah," he says cutting me off. I realized a while ago that my words were meaningless; I know very well that I'm talking out of my ass. A fact that makes me feel even worse about myself, which leads to more sex which leads down a path of unending torment. "Yeah I've heard that before, and yet you always end up back where you started: my bed."

I finally find my panties, they were strewn across his lamp, and I slip them on, beginning my search for my jeans.

"You know Seifer it gets really old having you talk about me like I'm some sex-crazed frat boy: that's you."

"It is," he agrees. I sigh; this back and forth will go on forever if I don't leave right now. I put the rest of my clothes on while Seifer watches me, making inappropriate comments the whole way through. Finally I collect the contents of my purse, cringing as I see two now empty condom packages, and I go to the doorway, fully intent to leave with my remaining dignity.

"I'm going," I say. I'm standing at the door, not even reaching for it, just kind of watching Seifer sprawled back in the bed seductively, like he's the centerfold of some gay porn magazine.

"Alright," he responds with a smirk. I wait another beat and then leave his room.

What is wrong with me? Well actually lots. I'm too stressed with my new job. I'm mad at myself for being stressed about having a job I _killed_ myself to get. I'm so under pressure that I keep sleeping with Seifer, whom I loathe, and I'm mad at myself, again, for sleeping with him.

You see the thing about being super smart is: you may know the crazy insane therapist-worthy things that are wrong with you, but you're just as useless at doing something about them as everyone else. So you _know_ you're fucked up, but you can't do anything about it.

It's hell.

"Hey Quistis." Fuck. Why wasn't I paying more attention when I left Seifer's room? I know that Zell's room is close by.

"Hey Zell, what's up?" I say spinning around awkwardly. I know that my friends have been talking, and that they think Seifer and me are like secret lovers. They're totally correct, well not about the 'love' part, but I still like to pretend they don't know. There are only so many issues you can handle at once, you know?

"I'm on my way down to meet everyone aren't you?"

"Yeah, I am. I was just getting something before I went down." What kind of lie is that? What could I possibly be getting, other than laid?

"You were getting something from the boys dorms?" Drop it Zell, this is a really awkward situation. Let's just get down this elevator in peace and you can go back to pretending like you're blithely unaware of the fact that I get it on with Seifer every Tuesday and Thursday after class.

"Yes," I respond. No need for further explanation, if he keeps asking questions I'll just be like 'Why are you all up in my business?' When did I start talking like that? I _have_ to stop seeing Seifer.

The next few hours are filled with off tune singing at some shady karaoke bar with sticky floors and when I finally get back to my room I can't be happier.

Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, but lately I just can't handle being around them. Selphie and Irvine are so lovey-dovey it gives me cavities, and then Rinoa and Squall are their regular couple-y selves, and Zell is so depressed with life that I just want to prescribe him some Prozac. It gets exhausting pretending to care about their problems when they complain. I mean look at me, I don't complain about anything. Well… not to them. Complaining to myself doesn't count… in my opinion.

There's a knock at my door. My clock says that it's 2 in the morning. Please, no. I really hope that that isn't who I thin it is.

"Hello?" I ask hushed to the door.

"Open up baby," comes Seifer's voice from the other side. Ugh, no thanks. I mean maybe… no. No I can't. I won't.

"Please," he's now pleading, "I have a _big_ present for you…"

Yuck. How crude, and poor-mannered… He's so arrogant… What a pervert.

I open the door.


	2. Blonde

**Chapter 2 – Blonde**

"What time is it?" I mumble into the pillow. Seifer is still asleep next to me and there's a noise I can't quite place. What is that? It's like a beep from outside or something… like an alarm…

I shoot out of bed and look at my nightstand. Seifer's pants are over top of the small device I now call a 'waste of my money' and I quickly toss them off to look at the time: 10:17am.

Fuck.

"Get up!" I exclaim leaping out of my disheveled bed to get ready for work. Well, I have completely missed my first class, but I can at least make it to my second if I rush. Seifer groans and covers his body with my sheet, rolling over tiredly.

I tear through my closet and put on my instructors uniform grabbing my bag and picking up a brush from my bathroom counter. No time to brush my teeth. I'll just avoid close contact until I can get some gum or a breath mint.

Or a time machine.

"Fine, stay asleep," I tell him. "But you cannot leave this room." He looks over at me standing at the door. I'm brushing my hair so quickly, I'm pretty sure that I might remove some of it, I'm moving my hand so fast.

"What?" he grumbles. Oh my Hyne! Look alive! I stop brushing my hair and through the brush at him full force.

"You need to stay here. If someone sees you…" I can't even think of that. "You can't leave until I get back. My classes finish at 3. I'll be back then."

I leave the room and lock the door behind me. He'd better listen to me or else I am even more fucked than I already am. What if he leaves and some girl sees him? What would be the explanation for that? He fell asleep during a tutoring session? That I was holding in my bedroom? In the middle of the night?

Yeah, that's likely…

The elevator takes it's sweet-ass time to arrive and I make it to the classroom 20 minutes late. The students are all waiting outside for me obediently.

"I'm so, so sorry guys," I say as I rush to unlock the door with my keycard. Why didn't anyone let the kids in? Weren't there other teachers around here?

"Morning Instructor Trepe," comes a voice from across the hall. Fuck. Me.

"Good morning Drixx," I say coldly as I turn to face the hefty man. Drixx is this ass of an instructor who has been vying for my position for so long that I'm pretty sure he would push me off the roof if he could get it. "Thanks for letting my kids in," I say sarcastically.

"I wasn't sure you would even show up," he says as he sticks up his nose at me, "I figured you might be taking the whole day off. I didn't want kids in an empty classroom un-attended."

"You could have called my room when you saw I wasn't here. Or paged me."

"I guess I could of," he says before returning to his classroom.

What a dick. He didn't even let me try to get in a comeback. Whatever, I'll just mess with his schedule later so he fucks something up too.

I can do that.

When I enter the classroom the eyes of my students follow me intently. Some of them are clearly annoyed that they had to wait for me for twenty minutes. Some are just curious as to why I'm late.

Should I make up an excuse? 'I was on a secret mission.' 'I found a student unconscious in the hallways and had to save them.' Yeah I might as well tell them I woke up with an alien in my bed. …I kind of did…

How do I keep letting shit like this happen? I just missed an entire class. I'm going to have to make that up to them. Now one class will be behind all the others and I'll have to re-schedule tests and assignments, I have to go over my whole lesson plan again… ugh. And Cid will no doubt be hearing about this.

Teaching the rest of my classes didn't go that well. I was mixing up names and test results and one time a student actually _corrected_ me. What? Nobody corrects me. I'm always right. I know almost everything; not to sound like I'm bragging. I'm just a very intelligent person.

I seriously need to do something about this.

There's a knock on the door halfway through my last class. No! I am so close to my day being over and letting Seifer out of my room. He'd better still be there.

And he'd better not have eaten all my food.

Or messed up my desk.

When I answer the door Xu is standing there in her official Balamb staff uniform. Her hands are held perfectly behind her back and she tilts her head to the side when she sees me.

Fuck.

It's never good to receive a visit from the Garden's secretary, it means she's informing you that you need to get your ass verbally handed to you by Cid.

"Cid wants to see you," she says simply looking at my shirt curiously. When I follow her gaze I realize that I miss-buttoned my top. Has that been like that all day? I'm such a spaz…

"Okay when-"

"After class." She walks away. Great I am so busted. I walk back into the classroom and I can hear my students talking amongst each other. They definitely heard that little exchange and are no doubt gossiping about what they think is gonna happen to me. After saving the world you sort of become a public figure and thus everyone in the Garden seems to talk about you like you're a celebrity and they know you personally. It's super annoying unless you love attention, which I do not.

After class I head to Cid's office. I feel like an inmate walking the green mile. There's no way he's going to fire me, I mean I'm one of the smartest people in the Garden, he's just going to yell at me a bit for acting like a fool.

I knock on the door and he tells me to come in. His office is different than how I left it. Personal items are disappearing from his desk and slowly his shelves are emptying. It's in preparation for his retiring. Soon Squall will be the headmaster and he will manage to whole Garden. I think personally I could manage things better than him. Although lately I can barely manage to make it to my classes on time…

"Quistis, things seem to be getting to be too much for you," he says before I even sit down.

"I know I was late sire, I'm so sorry. It won't happen again."

"This is the second time this week you were late to a class Quistis. I don't know if you think that I'm just going to let things like this slip through the cracks because I'm busy with other matter, but it isn't going to happen. You're on probation."

Probation? What am I some kind of criminal?

"What am I some kind of criminal?" I ask in shock.

"Obviously not Quistis…" he says with a roll of his eyes. I know he thinks I'm acting like a kid, and he's right; I kind of am. "I'm sure you're going through a lot of things right now. I just want you to snap out of it before other instructors start to think that I'm favoring you."

"Would 'other instructors' be Drixx?" my eyes are slanted and my fists clench instinctively.

"There have been _some_ speak from some of your peers," is his politically correct answer. What a bitch that guy is! Maybe I could get Seifer to kill him. I mean he has very little to lose.

I look at him and I feel tears welling in the back of my eyes. I'm not that mad about the probation; this is just too much.

"I will not disappoint you again Headmaster." I turn to leave. I don't even notice walking to my dorm, I'm just thinking of how everything is going wrong. When I finally open my door the tears I was holding my whole trip over are starting to eat at the backs of my eyes.

"Where have you been?" exclaims Seifer. He's still lying on the bed, but he's managed to put on some underwear. "I am so hungry. All you're food is for like a rabbit or something? Men don't eat leaves!"

The tears start flowing and I break down. I'm sobbing like a little girl. Oh Hyne. Seifer sits up suddenly.

"I-I'm sorry," he says hurriedly. "I didn't mean to make you upset."

"No!" I howl, "It's not you! Well, it is you, but it's me! I missed a class today and was late to another and I was put on probation and this instructor is out to get me and my shirt was buttoned weird _all day_!" I take a breath and wipe my face.

I am such a 'hot mess' as Selphie would say.

"Do you want me to kill that instructor for you? I have very little to lose."

I was right.

"No, I just… I need to get it together. I mean I am acting like a psycopath! Like I'm having some mid-life crisis! Hyne! I shouldn't be acting out. Why didn't I just dye my hair like Selphie suggested?"

"I like you blonde," is his simple response. A chuckle escapes my lips. Seifer is actually trying to cheer me up. I didn't think he was capable of such a thing. He opens his arms and pats the bed next to him. I crawl over to him and rest my head against his shoulder. "I'm sorry you're acting like an idiot. But on the bright side, you get some Seifer-love."

That was almost perfect.


End file.
